How to make plans in nyc when you don't want to drink alcohol
...that aren't the generic "let's go to a museum!" non-drinking plans
You know the feeling so damn well. The stuck lull of a 4 person group chat when each and every member decides that going to a restaurant or a bar isn’t in the cards tonight. The moment of cohesive agreement and excitement that comes tumbling down after 7 minutes has gone by and no new bubbles of grayish, i-message-white have come to fruition with any ideas.
It usually starts out with something like, “well what if we just went to a more casual restaurant instead”, and then everyone decides (the rule was no restaurants) and subsequently throws out, “well what if we went to that art cafe place?” (realizing before they even press send that you have to reserve Happy Medium like months in advance). Dear god we aren’t going uptown to a museum. It’s like 6pm and the ‘night at the Met’ ship sailed 30 minutes ago.
This discussion, {probably happening live as the weight of drinks and dinner linger on our shoulders from Thanksgiving}, is seemingly relevant around the holidays, especially as we round the corner of January. I actually saw a video recently that Meredith Hayden posted about people who take the concept of Dry January to an extreme and refuse to order a drink to celebrate their January friend’s birthday. This was also after I announced [hungover] to my supper club community that I planned to make all events in Jan mainly ~dry…
But she really got me thinking. As someone who tends to follow rules they’ve set for themselves a little too intensely, and has ALSO made a scene about ordering seltzer water instead of wine in this exact occasion for a friend, she has a point that January could be about cutting back in a healthy way, but not taking the concept to an extreme where you can’t celebrate a friend or special occasion.
…and she rightfully implies that if you can’t have one or two drinks to break the rule to celebrate a friend, you probably have a horrible relationship with alcohol, (and I feel she’s certainly right about this take)
So let’s recenter a bit- this piece is mainly just to chat about alternate things to do in a city that typically runs on booze and good restaurants, when you want a cozy, alcohol free night. This isn’t your guide to Dry January, or trying to throw your poor Capricorn friend a watered down version of the celebration they deserve. It’s about just thinking of other creative ways to use your time.
Because I’m sure everyone had at least one relative this year say in petty tone that “there’s nothing to do in New York City other than going out to dinner and drink”, and that’ll no longer be the case after reading this….maybe…
Non-Alcoholic-Plans- For Little to No Cost
Parallel Play
Winter is the season of hobbies and mastering your personal craft. I promise I’m not trying to sound preachy, but the great indoors yields the greatest innovation, and I am a big proponent of a night with friends around the concept of parallel play. Like literally come over to my apartment and bring your project. Let’s be productive together, put on some jazz, maybe a dumb ‘falling snow’ 10 hour loop backdrop on youtube, hell, we can even add some whimsy with some hot cocoa and sprinkles. Specifically the rainbow star kind.
One of the things I struggle with in planning things with friends (and maybe this is a sign that I’m just…going off the rails? but speaking from the heart…) is the constant trade off between unplugging and being present with good company and working on a personal project, so this is my push to frame more plans around coming to a space together to create. My dream night? Sitting and writing or junk journaling in the company of Lindsay Paulen , maybe getting a peak into Bella Darden ‘s upcoming destination as she plans, my friend Sydney working on a design of a new jacket, my friend Haley doodling some menu art.
The feeling of going to bed at night after a night of creativity and quality time couldn’t be more special. And if space is a constraint, all day cafe that does both coffee and wine until late, C Cafe or Qawah House are great spaces to yap and work. The generic “more of this in 2026” to the sentiment of parallel play.
Games!
[and we’re not talking monopoly]
I can feel all of you cringing. Like…ok we’re really out here suggesting a game night as a replacement to going out? But when was the last time you had a night in of fun, serious games. Not board games, but games like Code Names. Competitive games. It feels so good to be so temporarily serious about winning something that has no prize. I was at a birthday party recently that was a dream for this entire concept- it was a Sunday, home made Pho and a build-your-own summer roll station were on tap for the evening, and we played this game called Salad Bowl.
At first I was internally rolling my eyes when the birthday boy suggested this- I was reaching peace amidst hoisin sauce and noodles, but it ended up being the type of group game that I couldn’t get enough of. Each person rips up a piece of paper into 5 small pieces of paper (this was enough of a challenge for me, when was the last time you were forced to symmetrically rip up a piece of paper with no scissors?) and writes a random word on each.
It’s certainly fun to do with an existing friend group as ex boyfriends and inside jokes were scribbled in black ink across the shreds. The room is split in two to create two teams, and each team has a narrator that has to draw as many pieces as possible before the 60 second timer runs out. Round one is all about speaking- the narrator has to describe the word on the paper without saying the word and the team has to guess. Round two is about acting, and round 3 is about sounds. Whatever team guesses the most words and collects the most little white papers wins. The sheer tension around the number of paper scraps earned is all encompassing of the entire room for at least an hour. Phones are naturally nowhere to be found.
I left that birthday feeling nothing more than the fact that I just needed more of that exact type of fun in my life. Simple, connected fun, that’s almost sickeningly nostalgic.
Everyone bring ~one dish
Potlucks and friendsgivings are typically high-stakes in this day and age. As someone who is usually quite serious about hosting (hence the fact that I spend the majority of my free time designing tablescapes or hosting my supper club), the notion of bringing something to contribute to dinner so the host doesn’t have the full burden has been rebranded into elaborate themes, like the ‘apartment cafe or full blown supper club, which still require guests to think outside of the box.
Let’s face it, [that type] of hosting is my preferred method of hosting, because I love food styling and tablescaping (I hate that this is now a verb), but I recently hosted a soup night with a few close friends where each friend brought a soup, which I realized was still a lot of work, but we ended up probably each spending less than $50 on our respective soups and had the best time passing around each one and trying everyones creation. This night reminded me of being a kid and going to a potluck after a sporting event where there were tables and tables of good food covering a landmass of foldable plastic from every parent in the community because everyone willingly just contributed ~one dish.
And it doesn’t even have to be a theme- the host is cooking pasta, so it makes sense for me to bring a salad, another friend to bring the wine, and another friend to bring a tub of ice cream. And then everyone ends up spending around the same amount of money and it feels so do-able, yet elevated.
The: -Ok, I’m fine with some cost, I just don’t want to drink- plans
Visit a bathhouse (but not the place called Bathhouse)
I talked about my love for the Eastern European sauna concept in my newsletter about vacations you can take without leaving NYC, and I will be a forever fan for the reason that I could easily spend sunrise to sundown at one of these facilities, phone free, and completely lose track of time in the way you only can laying by the beach or a pool on vacation. The concept of reaching your flow state has become quite viral, but when I think about reaching a flow state, it’s being at Mermaid Spa or Wall Street Baths with a paper plate of pelmeni and watermelon in my lap while coming off of sauna/cold plunge round 10.
The reason I think visiting the bathhouse in a social setting is also a great NA activity is because it’s such an easy place for friends to hang out all day, off their phones, whilst doing something that makes everyone glow. I love Othership, but it’s such a costly and short reprieve (you only get 75 minutes???) from the outside world and from the iPhone, whereas other bathhouses can become your all day, all inclusive destination.
I love seeing friend groups at the baths crafting their little routine around playing a card game, then taking a dip in the pool, and then doing another round in the sauna, and then forcing one member to daringly polar plunge. It’s always the same story, but it’s a good story for a reason, and will run you about $55 for a day pass, which I think is worth every penny for the holistic hideaway you get from the hustle outside.
Go to high tea
Probably my most expensive recommendation on this list, but my girlfriends and I usually try to end the year with a holiday high tea on a Sunday afternoon. Somehow, even in our later twenties, we all manage to come dressed in festive velvet outfits and actual makeup on, covering up exhaustion from our busy jobs or potential hangovers, resetting ourselves amongst floral teapots, nutcrackers, and itty bitty cream puff sandwiches.
It certainly feels like a splurge, but the elegance of sipping darjeeling tea behind towers of tiny sandwiches made for dolls for hours and hours in an uptown hotel lobby is probably the greatest non drinking activity, that feels like a drinking activity, that one could have. The tea also seems never ending- we all show up sort of dreading the Sunday commitment and then leave so caffeinated from cups and cups and cups of tea akin to an all you can eat buffet or something…
I have done tea at The Plaza hotel, and we decided it was definitely a one time thing, but The Crosby Street Hotel is the actual winner in terms of ambience (especially for the holidays), bites, and price as the funky, bold colors and patterns give it a bit of a downtown flair that still pairs beautifully with all of the holiday decor.
Crafting Classes
I want to be very specific in the types of crafting events that I would actually pay for (and I’m sorry Happy Medium, you are not one of them). I fear when I suggest things like this, which is a sparing and occasional suggestion, it takes my friends back to a sugary, margarita mix margarita that is served at a bottomless paint and pour class, so I would only pay to craft in very specific scenarios.
Doing a charm bracelet/bag charm class at Haricot Vert for a special occasion is always a good idea- I got my beloved bag charm from here and the entire experience felt really special as you can pick from thousands and thousands of charms to craft the perfect one that is just “so you”. For me that meant a mug, a lobster, a donut, and a snake, but seeing what friends shop around and select is almost more fun. You also have the luxury of enjoying their matcha that’s usually adorned with lucky charms, sprinkles, or sparkles and is randomly incredibly high quality matcha, (which I don’t mean as a diss, we just know that cute matcha doesn’t always = good matcha) as you craft.
Recreate Collective is also always doing something incredibly interesting in the craft department with niche classes hosted by local artists like this miniature clay pizza making class, or cake decorating class from A Tiny NYC Kitchen. My insanely talented friend, Amanda who is the brains behind Tipsy and Baked also has started to host cake decorating classes, as well, which sounds like the perfect winter Friday night activity.
Brooklyn Clay Industries was also a sweet gifted evening from my boyfriend last year, and we decided to utilize a rainy Sunday to go enjoy a pottery class. Pottery is no joke- I was seemingly awful and needed the most help out of every other student in the class- but I was so damn focused for the 3 or so hours we were there. Another place where your phone and life just don’t matter outside of that room.
“people who take the concept of Dry January to an extreme and refuse to order a drink to celebrate their January friend’s birthday”
There are many reasons why people don’t drink - religion, health, etc. the concept of what constitutes a celebration should be able to respect this.
You could also volunteer! Bright Light hosts volunteer events outside of the workday.