How to celebrate (survive) your nyc birthday

I wrote this so you guys stop asking me ....(I say this with love)

Celebrating 23 and 26 were different in that I swapped *the* milkbar cake for a custom swirly cake (you know exactly what I’m talking about) and 10 tequila sodas for a singular martini…but the premise of the New York birthday will always be the same.

Nauseating evidence from my first nyc bday

You’re stressed about how big you want the group to be. The restaurant you want to go to with friends (if you have even managed to come up with a restaurant) is deciding for you how many friends you can bring, and you’re feeling frantic from the thought of telling your friends about the $100 minimum per person. Does it feel cheap to host at home with Trader Joe’s charcuterie? You’re caught in the crossfires of a roof pregame at 24 and the $1,000+ price tag of renting out a private room at 27, and where the hell is the funky cake coming from and how much do those things cost?

I was feeling a bit data driven today so I decided to extract a CSV of every message sent in my newsletter groupchat and do a keyword match on “where should I go for my birthday” or other variations of such. Since I started writing this publication in January of this year, this has been asked 67 times by different subscribers because this is unanimously the most difficult recommendation one can ask for.

I think there are a few ways to host your birthday when thinking about this like a quiz on the page of a teen magazine that will ultimately lead you to a birthday celebrated at home, a birthday celebrated out, or a mix of both. Whichever option your finger lands on as you trace down the “this or that” maze, I wanted to equip you with everything you possibly need for each viable category——

You’ve chosen to celebrate at…your apartment

I’d choose a birthday in my home over any other venue ever, but I do understand that it’s not always easy in an East Village 3 bedroom…which I learned the hard way myself…but that roof your landlord told you not to go on is always a great option if your living room doesn’t have the space or you’re not friends with your roommates and don’t feel like walking on eggshells in your birthday heels.

Things to consider when picking your personal space as the venue:

1. It limits the number of people you can fit…truly for the best. No need to force a bunch of mutuals that you feel obligated to invite in your home space

2. You’ll also have to likely have to provide some food, which we’ll touch on later, but you can’t be in charge of feeding a group of 40, which is why this is the perfect time to be selective

3. Stakes will be lower for food n drank- even if your friends chip in- and there won’t be a fuss on whether the restaurant you picked is actually good

4. (The best part) is all of the control over the decor and vibe you want to curate

Step 1- Decor

If you know me, you know nothing means more to me than a tablescape. And that was some weak writing right there, but designing a tablescape is peak joy for me. Centering everything around your table- whether round, square, long, or short is such an act of community that can’t be beat by disbursed balloons and paper streamers. If you’re going to spend money on decor, spend it on the table.

Also, shaaaaameless plug, but if you ever need a birthday planner/decorator (is that even a real thing?), I will build you the tablescape of your dreams! Always feel free to message me here :)

Some of my most favorite decor moments

Steps to building your birthday tablescape:

• The base: The first thing to start with is your tablecloth- your true home base that you’ll build off of to tie the entire theme together. I remember thinking my first few tablescapes sucked when all was said and done and I realized it was because I had no tablecloth and was just putting a bunch of stuff on a plastic white table… (the more colorful or printed the tablecloth, the better, in my humble opinion).

• The height: Flowers and plants are next…the tall stuff! The most affordable way to look like you have a ton of flowers is to buy one massive bouquet at the deli and then distribute the stems into a bunch of tiny glass bottles. I do not claim Amazon as the source you should be using, but you can buy a ton of them in bulk for a grossly low price. I bought a bunch at Mother of Junk in Williamsburg, which is the best place to buy used glassware in bulk for >$5 a piece.

• The lights: Candles and light of any sort are also crucial because…everything looks horrible until the candles are lit at the end. I recommend investing in a vintage candelabra, (this swan or classic vintage one on Etsy are affordable and certainly do the trick) and using this as your centerpiece. Scattering a bunch of tea candles and pillar candles around the flowers and place settings always adds volume, and if you want to take it a step further to create the ~Chez Margaux look, these cordless lamps are dazzling.

• The toppings: If you have a reasonable amount of guests coming and can swing actual place settings, I’ve found placemats add a layer of character to anchor the plates and napkins down so they aren’t floating aimlessly around the table. I usually find something that contrasts with the tablecloth so I can match the plates with the tablecloth, and then the napkins with the placemats. I got dizzy writing that, but hopefully you’re understanding my layering tactic.

Step 2- Food

It’s your birthday…so you should certainly showcase food that is very *you* even if you can’t get large quantities of it! I always preface to everyone that I’ll have things to munch on, but to never show up starving. I also think it’s reasonable to ask everyone to throw in a $20 to cover the cost of alcohol, at least.

Some of my reasonably priced staples:

• Wegmans sushi/charcuterie platters- Wegmans sushi is BUTTERY, you can’t tell me otherwise, and they have a 70 piece platter with rolls and nigiri for $110 which is unheard of in NYC. I literally get it for every event I have with one of their charcuterie boards which are also super reasonably priced

• 7th Street Burgers + Fries- Always a showstopper served on a silver platter, I feel like this is perfect for a group of 12ish, burgers are only about $5.50 each and 5-6 orders of fries will have you covered. I also think it’s a slightly unconventional spin on hosting food, everyone knows the brand, and you can eat it with your hands

• Ferdi- If you want a true coursed meal, Ferdi in the West Village is incredibly well priced for bulk servings + their vodka pasta is on my top 5 list in the city. Huge portions of Cesar salad, calamari, arancini, vodka penne, lasagna, etc all able to feed a group of 15 for under $250. Caffe Buon Gusto and Marks off Madison also have huge portions for decent prices if you’re looking for Italian fare

• Trader Joes Mini Baguettes- So cheap + cute and everyone can have their own little baguette to dip in butter, cheese, etc to minimize mess of people trying to cut a big baguette which creates crumbs galore. Save here so you can buy expensive french butter!

• Fruit!!!- Tip is to get all of your produce from Tashkent Market in the WV because their prices are incredible and grapes/figs/dragonfruit etc are such stunning table decor. I also got cured meats in bulk from here to make a prosciutto and melon appetizer and it ended up being good prosciutto (unlike cheap TJ’s prosciutto).

• Tacombi- Admittedly, I don’t love Tacombi as a dine in option, but it’s extremely affordable for a big group- I’ve gotten trays of 12 tacos before for $45 and they have a taco station for 15 that I think goes for ~250? But comes with tons of fillings, sauces, guac, chips, elote, etc etc which would go so well with a large format marg pitcher for a summer birthday

• Concepts next up for me to try- Dumplings, momos, gyoza, scallion pancakes, peking duck wraps, and empanadas!! All would work so well for finger food and feeding a larger group

Drinks

• Biiig Martini- I always make a large format martini because it is my most favorite drink, but if it wasn’t, I would never spend $$ on making this large of a batch. I bought an absinthe fountain that I use as a spout, and love making a ton of olive skewers to put over ice

• Large format spritz- Have done both hugo and aperol- the liquor is expensive but you throw in some reasonably priced (…cheap) prosecco and it’s easy to make enough to serve 12-15 with 2 or 3 bottles

• Orange Wine- Gulp Hablo forever! Affordable, yummy, big, and looks cute in my martini shaped ice bucket

• NA- I’ll also usually have a Ghia Spritz or Phony Negroni in my ice bucket, as well!

Step 3- THE CAKE!!!! (& who to get it from)

I saw a dumb article written by The Cut recently absolutely tearing creative bakers apart for what they called “ugly cakes”, but personally I want nothing BUT an ‘ugly cake’ at my birthday.

Left: Thea, Emily, Ferrane, Kinda Cute, XL Cafe Panna Sundae

• Thea’s Treats- Thea (head baker at La Cantine) can literally create anything edible out of your wildest dreams. She made my iconiqueee sundae themed mini cakes for my birthday this year and she is working with me on some desserts for my upcoming Club Crumbs events

• Kinda Cute NYC- Leila of Kinda Cute has also made some of my most favorite cakes for my recent parties! Her mini cakes are incredible and the perfect size for a small gathering if you don’t need something huge

• Gaby Scelzo- (aka ms.

  Perfect City
  ) I somehow have never actually had a Gaby Scelzo cake, but I tried one of her matcha cinnamon buns at a pop up once upon a time and was blown away. Every stunning cake she bakes and posts immediately makes it into my saves folder because I already know it tastes as good as it looks

• Emily Russell- My dear friend who needs to start selling the cakes she bakes because they are beautiful and yummy- the epitome of the over the top pink sparkly cherry cake belongs to her (and she makes the most insane large format chocolate mousse I ever did have)…you guys should DM her on IG and ask for one :)…say Maddie sent you

• Ferrane- If you’re as obsessed with princess cake as I am, they sell large sizes or individual sizes in little silver coupes

• Saint Street- Still have yet to try! But feel like their adorable $30 mini cakes would be so perfect for a small group gathering

2. You’ve chosen to celebrate at…a restaurant/bar

Alright so where are you going? Some sane options below

(All decently affordable and easy to book)

Sirrah

West Village, Perfect for groups of 8-10

I went to Sirrah during opening week and my first thought when I sat down and read the menu was- this would be fabulous for a birthday. The animal-print deco interior dripping with crystal chandeliers and long banquet tables felt like the perfect home for a group of dressed up celebrators starting a big night out. Another thing that makes it less fussy for a birthday occasion is the fact that it’s a $75 prix fix menu of salad, steak frites, fries, and dessert, so no one is left wondering what the bill will be or having anxiety over splitting the bill with someone who ordered something twice as expensive. The steak is good, the fries are better, and the cocktails are fantastic which is all you need for a big group who has a long night of partying ahead.